Dead Woman Walking

Monday, 29 days to go

My first day on the job as an "indefinitely laid off" employee was not fun. I'm going to call it DWW (Dead Woman Walking). I had to physically go to the HR office because they wouldn't return my phone calls on Black Friday. I met with a nice enough person who told me how preferential rehire is supposed to work. I tried to wrap my head around the fact that there were positions open at my same job level, but mine was being cut due to the budget. She said this as if it were like the ability to time travel in an Austin Powers movie and I would just have to go with it. You see, only certain departments are being cut and others...well, not so much. As I now understand it, while we are one big company, we function like small countries and apparently I had been working the last few years in the equivalent of Kyrgyzstan.

This human resources professional - for which the only description I can muster is 'beige' - tells me that IF there is a job at my same level they HAVE to hire me. This is where you should conjure up the sound of marimba "plinks" as I blinked my eyes in disbelief. OK, I'll admit it, it was sarcasm. But whatever it was, I don't exactly call this a recipe for success. I envisioned myself in an interview room full of disinterested people with bad body language at a table that just keeps getting longer and longer... Sort of makes the term 'preferential rehire' oxymoronic.

When I voiced my concern about this the Beige One said, "Oh, I certainly hope people have gotten over the stigma of an employee being laid off by now." Yeah, me too.